are you having any fun?

on what i’ve been wearing and saying yes more and not taking life too seriously

Hey, stranger.

This past Sunday night, I was standing in a crowd of a few hundred people, sweaty and sore-footed, staring up at the giant disco ball above LCD Soundsystem as they closed out Kilby Block Party. My clothes were stuck to my skin, hair a mess, eyeliner smudged. I had as close to a religious experience as I’ll ever get during the “ahhh” interludes during Dance Yrself Clean when the entire crowd sang together and I could feel it reverberate through my entire body. It was my first music festival, which I’ve briefly mentioned wanting to experience at some point, as an avid concert-hater. I am happy to announce that I had so much fun.

Moshing to 100 gecs in a chainmail backless top and slides took a few years off of my lifespan… wouldn’t wish it on anyone

Ok Christopher Bale in Newsies!!

I distinctly remember being 15 or 16 at one of The Fray’s concerts with my stomach in anxious knots, and a strong urge to cry. I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and shorts, hair in a messy bun, and hoping no one looked at me. A friend of mine constantly had free concert tickets thanks to her dad’s radio job, and I was a frequent plus one to shows of bands I’d never heard of. But god, they stressed me out. From feeling awkward when dancing to being afraid of crowds to insecure about the way I was dressed— I hated it all and decided concerts were not my thing. So when a friend of mine texted me on Thursday that someone in her group dropped out and had an extra ticket to the block party… I decided to say yes and sent a quick prayer to whoever’s listening that I would enjoy myself.

I love this skirt so much <3

Wore this to Kilby and wanted to pass away from the pain of wearing heeled boots for 6 hours

I was pleasantly surprised to find that as I got dressed and ready to leave, I felt nothing but curious about what the experience would turn out like. There I was: applying glitter and sunscreen, excited about experiencing something for the first time, when I realized I want to feel this way as much as possible. I want to seek out experiences that are new to me. I want to experiment with finding whatever I truly enjoy doing. I want to say yes to opportunities just to say that yeah, I’ve done that or I went there once.

Pigtails are so fun I can’t believe I forgot they existed

Any outfit that I can pair with some sandals or slides— really anything I can shuffle around in with an air of nonchalance— is so enjoyable for me. Think Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski if he was a 23 year old girl.

2 years ago I was sober for 9 ish months after an incident involving Smirnoff Cherry vodka. The incident being a friend making me laugh mid-shot, which resulted in cherry flavored vodka shooting out of my nose and burning so badly I had to lay in fetal position for a good 15 minutes. I couldn’t stomach the taste of alcohol afterwards, and thus began my sobriety.

Being 22 and not a fan of alcohol meant that I got very comfortable being at parties or clubs very sober, very quickly. This, coupled with the general maturity that comes with not being a teenager anymore, allowed me to step into a place where I felt like I was showing up as myself consistently. I wasn’t more or less fun depending on what I was drinking— I was just me. Though I can’t say with full confidence that being the only sober one in a room is always a blast, it taught me a lot about how to enjoy experiences as they are.

This top is a favorite of mine, thank you Kat for giving me your beautiful clothes

The way this dress gathers at the bottom is so gorgeous, plus the bows

So this brings me to the present day as I find myself thinking about what it means to have fun. And why, for a moment there, I kind of forgot how to. This weekend felt serendipitous in its timing because I needed to prove to myself that I could be in somewhat anxiety-inducing situations and be okay. More than okay, I can actually have fun and laugh and feel happy. I am not 16 years old anymore. I like myself so much more now, I like who I am and what I look like and how I dance. These things took a long time to arrive, and I hope they stick around. And you know what? I had fun at a concert! Crazier things have happened but I’d be lying if my friends weren’t shocked.

I’m an oversized sweater’s biggest fan but I feel so elegant in a tapered waist

Someone take the slides away from me.. just realized I’m wearing them in most of these

If there’s a lesson or a takeaway here, it’s this: say yes to things that scare you. Do them sober or not but try and have fun even in moments of being uncomfortable. Having fun is a lot less about being happy and more about not taking life so seriously. There are so many things I’d like to experience in this life, what a shame it would be to hold myself back from that.

This is all to say that if you see me at a rodeo later this summer… don’t be too shocked. I’m just there for the hell of it.

xoxo,

ev