how to party

move over NYT!

Hey, stranger.

A few weeks ago, The New York Times published a piece titled The Everything Guide to Partying and I didn’t read it fully because I don’t have a subscription. But! As someone who loves to read about glamorous things and romanticizes something as normal as partying, it would be something I would love to read.

It also got me thinking about my relationship to partying, going out, clubbing, etc. I have to say: I love to party but I don’t like it very much. As in, I have found God in the light of the street hot dog stand at 3am, drunk and tired and sweaty, but I also am notorious for talking about how much I am dreading it at 7pm before I’ve gotten dressed or a drink in me. Because I am human.

I’ve gone back and forth internally about how I actually feel towards night life in general and haven’t landed on an answer. I do generally observe that people either fall into two categories when it comes to partying: they love it or they hate it. But where are my people? The I-love-it-occasionally-and-in-random-month-long-increments-before-hating-it-again people? Also the I-like-to-go-dancing-but-overall-my-type-of-partying-is-quite-tame-comparatively people? Here is my guide to partying as one of the most mediocre party girls possible, in case you fall into that category alongside me. I’ve split it into 3 categories: drinking, dancing, what to wear, and miscellaneous advice.

Drinking

I’ve been known to have a very bad rule called Drink On An Empty Stomach. But the caveat is that you only have one drink before eating and then make sure you get something in you. This is probably not approved by the wellness people out there but one of the things I hate about going out is spending an absurd amount of money on drinks (because I’m responsible) so this rule is mostly driven by economics.

Don’t order musty cocktails that you don’t like. I’m looking at you, vodka soda. I always order either a delicious little something (whiskey sour, cosmo, mojito if it’s summer) or just a shot of vodka. I cannot be bothered to remember to sip on my drink if it makes me want to vomit. I either take a shot and suffer for 15 seconds or enjoy my delectable cocktail.

Don’t drink wine unless you’re getting drunk within the comfort of you or your friend’s apartment. Trust me.

I don’t believe in rules on mixing alcohols. I’ve never noticed a difference if I mix dark and light liquors, and I don’t believe people when they say a certain liquor makes them angry, sad, horny, etc. Don’t blame your behavior on alcohol, it’s a bad look.

Angelina and Emily get all the credit for this term, but I think being a Responsible Party Girl means having maximum two drinks and being in bed by midnight. That way you can go out any day of the week and be able to get to work or go for a run the next day without too much damage.

Goes without saying but staying sober doesn’t take away from the fun of a good party. I didn’t drink for almost 2 years and I still had some of the best nights of my life. If people make you feel weird about it, they are boring and sad and I hate them!

Dancing

When I was coming of age, I had a lot of anxiety about how to dance in front of people. I thought the goal was to look like a perfect combination of carefree and sexy and confident all at once. In my old age (23) I’ve come to the understanding that the goal is to have as much fun as possible. Also, to laugh as much as possible. I mostly imitate men and am overly lewd, which my friends and I find hilarious. When the music is on the house side of things, I just thrash myself to the rhythm. But overall, I challenge myself to not try and be anything. If I saw a video of myself dancing in broad daylight… I think you wouldn’t be hearing from me again. But the point is that usually you’re in the dark, usually people aren’t watching too closely, and everyone loves someone who can have a good time.

This one may be controversial. But I bring a pair of sunglasses to the club because sometimes it’s nice to put them on and not be able to see anything, which makes you feel like no one can see you. It loosens me up, it’s cool to only see the lights and nothing else, and Ian was the one to enlighten me on the benefits of Sunnies Inside so I’m sentimental about it. Do I feel like a douche? No because I’m a girl. Guys may run the risk of looking douche-y but if you’re with a group of friends it’s all fun.

Making eye contact with someone across the bar while you dance is generally interpreted as an invitation to dance with you. Use this knowledge for good or evil.

What To Wear

It depends on what the goal is. The golden rule above all else is to only wear what you feel comfortable in, so that you aren’t hunched over or sucking in or waking up with blisters. No one is looking at your shoes, I promise. I had a phase of going out in jeans, a T-shirt, and a pair of sneakers so I could last longer on the dance floor.

Carry a bag that zips shut. I cannot believe I haven’t lost any of my important belongings while out yet, but it’s mostly because I put my wallet and keys in my bag, zip it up, and that’s that.

If you’re going out with a group of people you don’t know very well (highly recommend), use this as your opportunity to wear something that maybe doesn’t feel like you. The item in your closet you’ve avoided wearing because it feels a bit much. I like using my clothes to feel like a different version of myself, especially when there is no one in the group who could tell I’m trying on an alter ego. Have fun!

If you’re going to a house party, dinner party, or anything of the more intimate nature, I’d suggest wearing whatever is in the middle of the venn diagram between outfits you feel your best in and outfits that look good without shoes on, or sitting on a couch that doesn’t allow good posture. I have friends who like to coordinate a vibe for the group, which is a great way to have some direction.

Miscellaneous

A drunk cigarette is one of the world’s finest little treats.

Your phone needs to be over 60% before the night begins.

If the drink is called Mind Eraser or anything of that variety, don’t drink it past midnight.

Invest in a body glitter for maximum fun.

If you’re single and want to make out on the dance floor, do it! But otherwise don’t let people’s attention or lack thereof be the goal.

If you need help, ask a group of girls.

Bring a disposable or digital camera and take photos of everything! These are always the best to look back on the morning after.

For those of us who like going out but not really, I recommend doing literally whatever you need to do to have fun with it. If that means wearing your sexiest little top— do it. If that means wear a big T-shirt and shorts— do it. Schuyler used to say, “okay tonight the goal is to make someone believe your name is Cigarette,” which worked but is also on theme for having as much silly, innocent fun as you can. Make up little schemes! Speak with an outrageously bad French accent all night! Have your friends all wear brightly colored wigs! Bring the childhood whimsy back and partying becomes less stressful and more like a little story to look back on.

And lastly, I’ll say this, which I can’t believe I’m typing out unironically: partying is a mindset. I just recovered from a 6 month long obsession for dinner parties. I only wanted cute tablescapes and candles and presentable dishes. Right now I want to go dancing for hours on end all summer. There is nothing wrong with you if your idea of a party looks very different from what it feels like everyone else likes. Your tastes will change and grow as you do. Maybe I’m saying that because I wish someone had said it to me when I was 19 and thought I was a terrible 19 year old for preferring a night in. Partying is less about the frivolities that I just wrote about and more about taking advantage of the hours of the night where people are uninhibited. It’s about a stranger crying to you about her failing relationship in the bathroom or watching two people fall in love or seeing someone throw up and then keep dancing. It’s the breadth of human range on full display. It’s ugly some moments and glamorous at others. It can be whatever you want, whenever you want. You can read this and take some of the advice to heart or you can ignore everything and still be able to have a fun night out. The world is your oyster.

xoxo,

Evie