unemployment rage, brain rot, and what I've been thinking about
weekly recap .06
Hey, stranger.
Hope you’re doing well. This week exhausted me.
I didn’t get that other barista job. They emailed me and said hey, sorry, we actually don’t have the hours to offer you, thanks though! and even though it’s just a job, it pissed me off. I’ve been rejected from every single job I’ve applied or interviewed for since March, the ones I’m under qualified for and over qualified and every in between. And because I’m on the masochistic side of things for my expectations of myself, I feel like a failure. I’m getting visions of me becoming the cliche of high potential, high achieving student turned burn out adult. Yes, I know it’s dramatic and yes, I know so many people are in the same boat. Still, I want to be overly dramatic and shake my fist at the sky and curse whatever god made me graduate in a recession. But I won’t. I instead will write about it in my little blog and cry to my mom about it.
Moving right along, let’s talk about books. As I’ve said, I’m having a rough week, which means I had to break out the fantasy novels. I’ve been really good at diversifying my reading this year, mostly because I’ve read enough fantasy to cause brain rot and I do enjoy reading literary greats, but this week calls for a reading remission. So anyway, I read 3 books in 3 days. And then 1 more after that. I just get so engrossed in fiction, especially when it’s YA and the authors know they have to keep the plot moving at record pace for readers to stay engaged. There is something really nice about being such a veteran of a certain subset of books, I know I can lose myself in them and it’s the best escapism strategy out there. Here’s what I read:
01. Powerless by Lauren Roberts. This book fucking sucked and it’s a carbon copy of the Red Queen with a sprinkle of the Hunger Games… so essentially my nightmare because I hate both of those series. Also, someone needs to teach YA authors to stop hitting the keyboard when trying to come up with fantasy names. Paedyn, seriously? Colleen Hoover fans would love this book.
02. Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros. Actually, not bad. Not bad at all. I am a little jaded because a lot of aspects of this book were similar to From Blood and Ash and I don’t appreciate unoriginality but I love dragons (god some of the things I write in this blog can never be said out loud). I would recommend this book to people in a pinch, though there’s definitely better options out there.
*addendum: the more I think about it post-finish, this was actually a pretty good read. Definitely recommend if you enjoy these types of books.
03. Love, Loss, and What I Wore by Nora Ephron. This is actually a screenplay, which is always an interesting format to read, albeit a little boring. The actual story was not that engaging and if I was in the crowd watching this I’d probably leave thinking cute, but never watching that again. Nora is a good writer and reminds me a lot of J.D Salinger a là Frannie and Zooey, so I would recommend for that reason alone. Also this book can only be read by women, men will hate it, sorry!
04. Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros. So obviously, I liked Fourth Wing enough to read the sequel immediately finishing the first book. Like most YA fantasy, the first book is usually better (only outlier here is ACOTAR), and this was no exception. The quality of the story held up, though, so I still thoroughly enjoyed.
This week leaves me at 27 books so far in 2023, I’m hoping I can get to 35 by the end of the year.
I’ve also been thinking a lot this week. For me, thinking too much is never a good thing but I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve been mulling over.
I’ve been thinking about the people I’m lucky to love and be loved by. My friends and family, some with me in Seattle, others what feels like a world away sometimes. Regardless of the distance, I crave closeness and connection and the unspoken comfort of being with someone who knows you so well you don’t have to explain yourself. I miss my family, I miss my home in Portland with the trees and my dog and the smell of my mom’s laundry. It’s a good thing the holidays are approaching because what I want most in this world is to be surrounded by the people I love most, eating good food, weathering the cold together. Some of the people I love most won’t be in Portland, though, and I am once again finding myself longing for everyone to be in the same place, to get along, to cook together.
I’ve been thinking about my career. What I want from it, if it matters what the title is, how much I’m willing to sacrifice to have the career I want. And how what you do is sometimes what you are, even if you don’t want it to be. I don’t want my career or job title to define me, but I also want to be dedicated to something— to do work that feels good.
I’ve been thinking about my dog, Millie. She keeps getting older and I’m reminded that even though we are there for the entirety of a pet’s life, they are only in ours for a fraction. And I’ve never loved something as much as I love Millie. I wish I was near her more often and that it was possible to tell her I miss her in a way she would understand.
I’ve been thinking about moving. I love Seattle, more than any place I’ve lived before, but the itch the move, to change, is growing. I want the familiar challenge of trying to figure out a new environment. I don’t want to be stagnant. It’s funny, I’m so fearful of staying still that I would rather the pain of change.
I’ve been thinking about sticky foods and how much I hate them. This is why soup is my favorite food genre.
I’ve been thinking about being in love. And how lucky I am to be loved back.
I hope next week is better for me, and I hope you are doing well, wherever you are.
xoxo,
ev